Member-only story

Foolproof Tips for Writing Terrible Fiction That Will Repulse Even the Most Masochistic Reader

Francis Turner

·3.8k Followers· Follow

Published in Write More Badly: 7 Foolproof Tips For Writing Terrible Fiction

6 min read

1k View Claps

93 Respond

Save

Listen

Write More Badly: 7 Foolproof Tips for Writing Terrible Fiction

by Elmore Rounbottom

4.4 out of 5

Language	:	English
File size	:	846 KB
Text-to-Speech	:	Enabled
Enhanced typesetting	:	Enabled
Print length	:	17 pages
Lending	:	Enabled
Screen Reader	:	Supported

In a world saturated with literary brilliance, it's time to celebrate the beauty of bad writing. Embrace the art of terrible fiction, where prose stumbles, plotlines spiral into absurdity, and characters make cardboard seem charismatic. With these expert tips, you'll uncover the foolproof secrets to crafting literary disasters that will leave your readers shaking their heads in disbelief.

Chapter 1: Embrace Awkward Prose

Remember, terrible fiction is all about making your readers cringe. Avoid using simple, clear language. Instead, opt for convoluted sentences that stumble over themselves like a toddler trying to run a marathon. Use excessive adjectives and adverbs, even when they have no relevance to the context. The goal is to create prose that makes your readers feel like they've wandered into a linguistic minefield.

Example:

"The verdant tapestry of the meadow danced and cavorted in the zephyrs' playful embrace, its emerald hues shimmering like a thousand tiny emeralds cast from heaven's forge."

Chapter 2: Plotlines That Defy Logic

In terrible fiction, logic is your sworn enemy. Let your plotlines wander off into the wilderness of absurdity, leaving your readers wondering if they've accidentally stumbled into a bad fever dream. Embrace sudden twists that have no foreshadowing, characters who make inexplicable decisions, and events that defy the laws of physics and common sense.

Example:

The protagonist, a brilliant scientist, invents a time machine and travels back to the Middle Ages. However, upon arriving in the past, he discovers that he can breathe underwater and has developed an insatiable craving for raw chicken livers.

Chapter 3: Characters That Make Cardboard Seem Charismatic

Your characters are the lifeblood of your terrible fiction, but make sure they're as flat and uninteresting as possible. Give them names like "Generic McGenericface" and "Mary Sue," and equip them with cardboard cut-out personalities. Avoid developing their backstories or motivations, and let them drift through the plot like lifeless husks. The more boring and forgettable your characters are, the better.

Example:

Meet Bob, the protagonist. He's a tall, handsome man with an athletic build. He's also kind, intelligent, and has a heart of gold. In other words, he's the most perfect person in the entire universe, and therefore, utterly lacking in any interesting character traits.

Chapter 4: Dialogue That Grates on the Ears

Dialogue in terrible fiction should be as unnatural and awkward as possible. Make your characters speak in stilted, robotic sentences, and avoid using contractions or colloquialisms. The more they sound like they're reading from a script, the better. Also, remember to have your characters repeat the same information over and over again, just to make sure your readers don't miss a thing.

Example:

"I must inform you, my esteemed colleague," Dr. Smith declared, his voice devoid of any emotion, "that the experiment has reached a catastrophic ."

Chapter 5: Over-the-Top Descriptions

In terrible fiction, descriptions are not merely descriptive; they're over-the-top, sensory assaults that leave your readers feeling like they've been through a hurricane. Use excessive metaphors, similes, and hyperboles to create passages that are so ludicrous, they defy belief. The more ridiculous your descriptions are, the more likely your readers will question their own sanity.

Example:

"The raging storm roared like a thousand banshees, its icy claws tearing at the very fabric of the universe. The rain lashed down with such ferocity, it seemed as if the heavens themselves were weeping tears of sulfuric acid."

Chapter 6: The Grand Finale: The Deus Ex Machina

When all else fails, pull out the ultimate weapon in the terrible fiction arsenal: the Deus Ex Machina. In a desperate attempt to resolve your plot, introduce a sudden, unexpected event or character that conveniently solves all your problems. Think magic potions, alien interventions, or divine interventions. Just remember, the more illogical and implausible your Deus Ex Machina is, the better.

Example:

After struggling through a series of implausible events, the protagonist is on the verge of defeat. Suddenly, a giant pink unicorn descends from the sky and shoots rainbows at the villain, vanquishing them in an instant. Problem solved.

Congratulations! By following these foolproof tips, you're well on your way to crafting a literary disaster that will make even the most masochistic reader cringe with delight. Remember, the key to terrible fiction is to embrace the absurd, defy logic, and make your characters as boring as possible. So, go forth, write with reckless abandon, and may your terrible fiction live in infamy forever.

Write More Badly: 7 Foolproof Tips for Writing Terrible Fiction

by Elmore Rounbottom

4.4 out of 5